Words the Crows Speak

Above my head, the sun is spent

Each day it sets an all time low

The moon casts only a shadow

Of the light we won't let go

Beneath my feet the ground trembles

It grows with every step I take

We may never leave this earth

If we can't escape its quake

Inside this chest is an endless cavern

Whispering comforts from the deep

Drawing you in to twisting tunnels

Until you lose sight of what you seek. 

And yet there exists a spark

it lingers deep inside the core

a light inside this fickle heart

that yearns for yours, forevermore

Calypso and so.

wait! I'll be right there

I didn't hear you knocking

oh, it was the wind.

help! I can't get in

and my key is not working

did you change the locks? 

please! leave the light on

if I'm sleeping on the porch

just throw me a bone

stop! you've done so much

and I can't take any more

let me give you some 

dawn is approaching

and my teeth are chattering

time to start again

one more day until

this is just a memory

and future is now

Weird-o.

 

Yeah, he got weird

In layman's terms.

Truth is, he just

forgot to pretend.

He is entirely to blame

Never tried to get help

Never took took the steps

Never made amends

All he ever made

Was a mess.

Now there's fat chances

and a pit full of debris.

Yeah, he was alright

But not worth the moisture

Surely there are better

Ways to spend your time

Then crowding around here

Ignoring how you feel

Pretending to function

When you're not running stable

This build is still in beta

Still working out the bugs

and scheduling the release

But it's too late now

and people forgot

So it just sits

and collects dust.

When the wick meets gelignite

but you forget to clear the area

When salutations become salacious

Maybe I'll understand.

That's all I'm really after here

That's what we're here to find

Some push get up each consecutive day

Until we run out.

Yeah, I'm still here. Exploitation at it's finest.

Well!

How many seconds did it take?

Was it over in a flash?

Or did it slow down time, 

"Where is my mind?" 

How much pain did you feel? 

Did you dissassociate? 

Did you get a chance to pray

before the light faded away? 

Well, I'm sorry! 

I didn't mean to let you down, 

I wasn't doing too well myself. 

It's no excuse, I know. 

For what it's worth, I'm doing the best I can.

Do you remember hanging from the cabin rafters?

Or fireballs that burned our clothes in the woods?

The Roman Holiday, when we actually prayed

and thought that maybe God was on our side for once?

Well, I'm sorry! 

I didn't expect you to die, 

and I'm trying each day just to survive. 

It's no excuse, I know. 

I cut my rope, but I can't let go. 

Well, I'm sorry! 

I wish I had been around

I said I would be and I let you down

There's nothing I can do, you're in a box

And I'll I've got are forget-me-nots. 

"Don't kill yourself to raise the dead, you'll only end up joining them."

99 Channels

I was a fool, belated and labored 

Sharpened my tools but never did use 'em

I bated my breath but couldn't hold on 

Watched smoke dissipate, then got bored and left. 

There's rust covering everything we've neglected

What isn't maintained will need some repair

A penny a day, copper in the coffer

Some give and some take is all I've got to spare.

What will it take to see plans to fruition?

Half a days wages just to see dawns light? 

I've dwindled my drive on embittered volition 

It wasn't ambition that darkened my skies.

They say the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree

But mine grew on a hill, and I've got nothing to eat 

I can spend my days working hands to the bone 

And still find plenty of sins to atone

Always feeling like the prodigal son

Still running away from home

The deepest mine echos the loudest

But I can't hear a damn thing. 

99 channels yet there's nothing on.

It's not worth getting worked up over. 

You're never getting that time back. 

Batteries are dead, time to give it a rest. 

Seven Loves You.

You were always hiding behind every wishful thought

A flicker in the darkness of the light almost forgot 

The oxygen has vanished and I'm on my last breath,

Digging more and more each day,

Have I reached you yet?

Isolation is a heavy stone

but there's no island,

I'm not alone.

I'm just trying to be a better man

Just trying to be good. 

What makes a man? 

Is it in me?

It must be heavy;

I think I'm sinking.

I know the weight of my mistakes 

They pull me under in my dreams

I'm always running uphill

Until I wake up at the bottom.

I know the choices were all mine;

I'm the only one to blame

but that doesn't ease my mind

and it hurts just the same.

"As much as I loved it;

As great as it was;

I ripped and I ruined it

And now it is done"

I'm in an echo chamber 

and I can't find my way out

I keep hearing the same words

like they're coming from my mouth

Seven loves you,

even when you lose hope.

When you forget to hail mary;

Or run out of rope. 

Seven loves you,

when you're ever in doubt.

I ain't got nothin left to say

except the truth. 

Disinference, or the vitriol that comes after

Have I made it? Am I even catching up? 

I'm barely moving and I'm covered in mud. 

An uphill battle and I'm still on the ground

Every step I climb sends the boulder back down. 

My watch keeps blinking ZERO HOUR

Must be a premonition or running out of power. 

Crawling my way through another chat pile

Save the dental records to light another funeral pyre.

The peak grows even taller still

It's getting tougher to swallow each pill. 

No foothold when the grade is this steep

It's futile to resist, better just to sleep. 

I dream of endless weight

crushing me into oblivion

and when the darkness fades

empty light becomes lifeless remains

I wake up gasping for air

What made you think it was ever fair? 

Another state of disrepair

What makes you think I care?

The Greatless Gift

Every pair is coming up dueces

It can't be luck when it's this consistent 

If they took me out back tonight

The greatest gift would an end in sight

Another day in the churning machine

The pile grows and I'm counting beans

If my shovel ever hits bedrock

Look out for dynamite and hit the deck 

It's all wrapped in warped frustration 

I bet we look like ants from their position 

A gang of chains around my neck

Forgive me for this endless debt

What if I'd never been born he said

Fallen angels won't pretend you're dead 

$8,000 and my mouth still bleeds

But you can't fly with clipped wings 

Crust

 The shortest day we've had all year

is celebrated as a turning point

we've only got good times ahead

no reason to assume anything else

We all figured it was rock bottom

Nobody saw the shovel you brought

Pounding away at the bedrock until

you found unconceivable depths

Congratulations are in order

I suppose this is the end

it's never the way we imagine

but it happens nonetheless

Good Grief!

A voicemail, replayed again and again. Your words, engraved into my brain and echoing through my head. I can't escape this feeling, the longing for just another conversation. The longing just to hear your voice again. It brings me to tears, and I'm paralyzed by this weight. 

I miss you, and I'm so sorry you were alone. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, and I didn't notice the pain you were going through. I want to move on, and I want to feel happy again, but the pain will not subside. It's an open wound, dripping and refusing to stop. I'm sorry is all I can even think to say, but there are no ears to hear my words. It shouldn't have happened, but it did. You should be here, but you're not. I could have helped you, but I didn't. I didn't know what was at stake, I didn't stop to think at all. 

I ruminate on every mistake, every missed call, every unspoken word. I'm digging myself into the ground by spinning my wheels until I'm buried beneath this guilt, this defeat. I was supposed to be there for you. I was supposed to anwer the call, and help you through anything. I failed you, and I can't stop thinking that things would be different if I had just answered the phone. 

I need to be strong. I need to be better, and move on. I'm trying, I swear I am. I'm trying so hard to be the person I'm supposed to be. The father, the husband, I'm supposed to be. I'm always coming up short, though. Always filling the tank, just to find another leak. But there is reason to persist. There are a multitude of reasons, in fact. There is warmth, and comfort, and solace in the memories and the wisdom that comes with understanding. 

But right now, I don't understand anything and I just want you to come back. It shouldn't be so hard to say goodbye, because you're already gone, but it is. My chest is heavy, it's hard to speak the words. Some days, it's so hard just to find the energy to get out of bed, but that doesn't fix anything. My stagnation only impedes my own progress, and the potentially postive impact I can have on those still here. I couldn't save you, and I'm sorry. I will always love you, and you will always be my family, my brother. 

Goodbye, my friend.