Friday, March 22, 2019


Heaven help me
I'm on my knees
begging and praying
to set me free
from so many games
with forgotten rules
it's too mundane
to be abused
Heaven once tried
to escape us mortals
closed the gates tight
and left em boarded
when crowds gathered around
they knew who to blame
the devil brought us
we're all insane
but once we return
to the geological shit
we'll be reminded by dirt
we're no better than it
nor is the fool
who cobbles his shoes
only to find
they're a size too small
nor is the leper
who feels no pain
he lives euphora
while none remains
I'm denying my right
to submit myself again
to something more worthy
than a cast iron pan
it's sturdy at least
from whence it came
we now know not
who's price was paid.
I'm rambling again
these words in my head
all come out as jargon
and I've made my bed.

Thursday, March 21, 2019


It's been the worst trip
In years it's been a lifetime
Regrets all blending into one
Another forgotten setting sun

It's been a home run
I feel like I could run for hours
In no particular direction
Another errant destination

And I'm trying to live each day
Like I'm good enough to play
I somehow made the team I know
Still got so far left to go

But I'm still trying to live each day
Like my thoughts warrant a say
I somehow gained enough ability
To arm the same artillery

It's been a long day
Living inside an iron curtain
Corrosion slowly slipping in
Another foreign dream


A liar, a liar!
A mesmerizer!
Just don't tell the doorman
what lies behind her
it's fiction, it's fake!
An errant mistake.
Just don't tell your mother
it wasn't yours to take.

I tried to tell my mother once,
turns out I already did.
I tried to give up hope today,
but couldn't even find it.
I tried to spill my guts
in the center of my room
I made a mess and fell asleep
woke up full of regret.
How odd it is to feel remorse
when you've only impacted yourself
how strange it is to be
anything, really.
I'm superimposed on polymer clay
I'm dispatched to the debauchery
I tried to elevate reluctance
but ended up in redundance.
It's abundant, it's plenty
it's still too many
It's sickly, it's sweet
it's careful, it's meek.

I am what I've always been.
I am who I will be.
I'm the only programmed code
who gets to be complete.


I used to bleed crimson
now only ignorance
see me see me!
can you feel me?
do you hate
the warmth surrounding?
I used to pay attention
now only in increments
give me my fair share
or give me a shorter rope
there's only enough to give
the fainest semblance of chance
there's only enough love
for one of you, she said
how dare you! you fool!
clutching to old habits
praying to new gods
you've only just founded
searing pain! vulturous games!
waiting on decadence
to fade into decay
but we've only just started
to heal.

I used to pray to my mothers god
only to find that I did it wrong
used the wrong title
bowed a little too low
know my faith's beneath
the undertow (oh no)
my mother tried to fix
what defiance has yet wrought
indentured dilapidation proves
there's something left forgot.

I used to believe in combustion
now only evaporation
waste me waste me!
don't overtake me
just feel the steel
and let it break me.
do you believe the shimmering?
does it look the same this time?
does it breath the way you do?
is this your solitude, or mine?

Tuesday, March 5, 2019

Like A Potato.

All day long
There's this dog that's barking
He doesn't like me
He sees in my mind

He knows my fears
He knows all of my desires
And he hates me
He can't wait to break me

All day long
There's this voice in my head
It's telling me all the things I wish I didn't think
But now those thoughts are all that's left

I know my fears
I know all of my desires
And I hate them
I can't wait to be broken.

All damn day
This clock is ticking
Cuckoo cuckoo where are you?
I'm still here meandering

Tell me what I've got to do
To feed this monster so much that it dies?
This bastard creature needs it's end
And I have more than enough to give

It wasn't a lie until the truth came out.
What difference does it make until there's no more doubt?

Public Servant Announcement

Again we'll meet
In due time
Do not worry
All is fine.

I'm coming around on the last bend
My baby sleeps in on weekends
Living in hiding with best friends
Wishing and waiting on dead ends

There comfort in seeing the details
My baby waits on the steep trail
Swinging the mast on the white sail
The sea is relentless, we all will fail

On the curtain call
There's no criteria for how much water it takes to fill your lungs like a fish tank.
And the last one beckons
For the final chapter
There's no criteria for how long it takes to sink to the bottom.

There's no criteria for how much a man can take before he sees his reflection in the red Sea.

I see the error of my ways
Almost immediately
Sometimes concurrently
The current currently seems
To be flowing more rapidly
My eyes see the debauchery
It's writhing in my bones

The bone machine churns
It's palpitates and breaks
Crushing into a paste
The lives we tried to make.

I'm going under the waves
The ocean calls my name
I see Poseidon reaching out
Pulling me into his cold embrace

I'm being pulled again
And I say I'll go willingly
But that's not how this game is played
There's no prize for consolation.

Console me, baby.
I've been abused.
Control me, baby.
I'm a worn out tool.
Yeah, I'm still a tool, but it was nice to be used.

Reluctance through revelry

You always said
you'll be sorry
when I'm dead
I hope you know
I am sorry

the darkest sky
I've ever seen
with closed eyes
surrounding me
the dusk retreats
when winters end
my summer still
around the bend
it's trickling in
it's keeping on
repeating things
to sound in sync

my minds eye
was blind one time
and now I squint
when I'm confused
this existence bleeds
nonexistent things
my blood seeps
through open pores

my fingers click
my muscles contract
there's still time left
for one more attack

face to face with beauty
I avert my scrunched brow
much too much to focus on
the time for fleeting is now