Thursday, January 30, 2020

What a Wonderful Day.

You know who you are
I wish I did
All these problems in my mind
they never end
And you can tell time
I lost all of mine
All these waste years
come back to haunt you.
You were right back then
and I never win
All these bastards here
all came before me
and you can tell me why
I never could go
and I will still be here
where I've always been.

You know me
you know who I've been
all these medications
can't change who I am.
it's in my boiling blood
it's in the epidermis
despite all my attempts
I'm still the same me.

Christ, sometimes I get so confused in my own head. I wish I had a way to erase the static besides just creating more. Is that the goal, to drown out the noise with an even more audible sound? My ears are ringing and all I can thinking about are ways to further sabotage any semblance of success I have. These words come as though I have something to say, instead of just trying to fixate my thoughts on something tangible. Something is stirring inside and has been for some time. There are lights blinking in synchronicity and without pause. There is no focus left, only chaos. My mind is a birds nest made of crumpled copper wire. It takes every ounce of my being to not shove the entire thing into my mouth and chew.



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