Veni Vidi Vale

I wonder what happened. I mean it used to be so easy. I could sit and waste away for hours coming up with insignificant dribble, but now? Now I can't even waste the better part of a minute thinking of things that I'd rather be waiting on, instead of waiting for.

For want of something better, when do we sever our ties? It's hard to break a habit that is tied in your identity. It's hard to move on when you keep bringing it with you. It's never going to be easy, and it never was. This self infliction of pointy things leaves me leaking from my appendages. I've never been so transparent in my life. I've never seen the wheels turning, only assumed.

I've set in motion a plan that will bring upon the collapse of what I think I am. I've written about my sorrows, my sadness, and lack of motivation to get off of this fucking bed and put to rest the rumors that there's nothing in these fingers but dishonesty and blasphemy.


Until then though, we'll sit here sifting through memories that weren't as good as you think. I'm upended by the notion that I'd rather return than wait for the next one. Which one is it? Is it time, now, or later to get back to where I was before? I'm tired of running my engine if I'm not going anywhere. This idle infuriates me. I cannot remain motionless for too much longer, lest I crumble and sift through the cracks in the corroded floor that is humanity.

Until you know what I mean, I'll just repeat myself. But you're never going to get it, not until the wheels fall off and roll errant in no particular direction. At least you tried.