Tuesday, August 2, 2022

MOVE.

 Voices in my ears

pulling me backwards

calling my name

in a familial tone

Telling me to look

under every stone

but everything dissolved

inside of my hands

they all turn to sand

and float through my fingers

I cannot contain

what drifts away

I am translucent

and yet

still in the way. 


Saturday, May 28, 2022

Waves

On the first day, I was lost
Scrambling around
In the desert
Crawling on my knees
I couldn't even breath
Then came the wave
And I was carried out to sea
Trying to keep my head
Above the water
I still couldn't breath
And when I washed ashore
There was acceptance
And peace
But only for a time
Until another wave
Carries me again
This time much further
And it takes all night
Just to be washed ashore
And crawling back again
But this time tentative
And avoidant and afraid
Because it doesn't take much
Before another wave
And everytime it happens
I hold a little more water
Inside my lungs
Barely able to breath
But there's always healing
Just with a little
More scar tissue


Tuesday, May 24, 2022

Petty

 If we're free falling 

at least I hope

the ground is soft

if not I fear

I may not make it

I fell before

collapsed a lung

not a bad one they said

but none is good

but this is worse

I have no words

only air inside

these whistling birds

they're lonely now

all red and blue

they didn't know

they had no clue

I picked them up

and held too tight

I had to let go

I couldn't watch them die. 

?

 how can it be wrong

when no one knows

precisely what

it is you are doing?

Tuesday, May 17, 2022

Another Day Goes By.

 Another day goes by. 

I'm waving away the flies from my eyes. 

Another errant year, avoidance turned to fear, 

Another day goes by. 


It's coming up again. 

I'm setting off alarms until they begin. 

I blink and then it's gone, it wasn't here for long 

but it's coming up again. 


Another day goes by. 

I'm cauterizing wounds until pain subsides. 

Another loved one lost, some uncalculated cost, 

Another day goes by. 


I'm waking up again. 

I'm brushing off the dust that had settled in. 

I'm born into a box, I've gummed up all the locks, 

To be waking up again. 


Another day goes by.

I can't remember any reason why? 

I watch them move along, wheels and cart and all, 

Another day goes by. 


I'm sorry for my thoughts. 

I'm sorry for the people who I led astray, 

I'm sorry for my words, I'm sorry if you've heard

but I'm sorry for my thoughts. 


It's hard not to feel like it's all your fault. 

Like you've pushed every person away. 

It's hard not to feel like you're the worst. 

And everyone's dying just to get away. 


Give it up, all of this pain. Give it to someone deserving. 

But who's more deserving than I? 

Give it up, it's not yours but the ones who abuse you. 

But why do they all have my voice? 


Why does the earth seem to tremble and quake? 

When do the heavens cry out for my sake? 

What does it matter if every voice

echo's the same refrain, "You, the mistake."


When is enough ever enough? 

Why did I push them away? 

When will I learn, when will I see? 

Tolerance isn't the goal, but the absence of pain. 


Any given 13th

In any given moment
at any given time
in any situation
I can disappear.

If I close my eyes tight enough
If I clench my fists both tight
I can turn my body transparent
and dissolve inside my mind. 

It doesn't take all day,
it doesn't require much energy
I can wish away my fears
and take away my pain. 

It's hard to see the future
when you're looking over your shoulder
Always worried some distant mistake
Is rearing for an attack

Remember me? They say to me
Furrowed brow in reluctance
Of course of course, how could I not
My cognizance is still within

It doesn't matter the quality
It only matters if there's content
How content is my contention? 
I'm almost out of wares. 



Oh my Chrom.

Well I've been here for 30 years
and I can't take it anymore
too much pollution in my head
it's turned me rotten to the core

there is a map inside my pack
and it will lead me to the path
but I sold it for a ride
and now I'm stuck filling my tires

always trying to shut up 
when there's nothing getting in
tensions tender enough now
to cut through like margarine

I wonder I wonder
how different I'd be
had I been born in
another century. 

How simple, yet sad; 
to have been born bad
yet to go on believing 
there's potential for good.

Every day another mask
until I fall over from the weight
each one more manufactured
until there's nothing left to fake

I'm chock full of spiders
I'm riddled with them
can't shake the feeling
they are my brethren

have mercy on me
o bringer of rain
dilute this poison
and absolve my pain
come at me with fire
and cleanse this wound
give me your hand
release me from Doom.

this program is fixed
it's bugged by design
there's no hope encoding
what's made maligned

there's terror in the skies
and whispers in the wind
a storm is raging deep inside
best to keep it in.