Waterlogged

The arrows all point in the same direction, 

So many reasons, but the result is the same. 

My body sinks deeper with every reflection. 

A soggy matchbook unable to produce a flame. 

The dog in my mind doesn't need me to bleed. 

But the memories are sharp and cut too deep. 

She circles the bowl when it's time to feed. 

But I'm out of luck and there's holes in my keep. 

Day after day, 

one foot, then the other. 

She was my favorite, 

I'll never love another. 

Pennies in the fountain, 

With every petal I pull, 

I need to stop counting. 

The coffer's already full. 

I'd pay any cost

and sever every tie

I wouldn't see it lost, 

if she could still be mine. 

A Timeline of Grief: Perpetual

 

I was powerless in April

Until I turned the page over

Now I'm powerless in May

Out of ink from slashing days

I took the things you gave me, 

Now I reap what I sow

You saw the good inside of me,

and now, nobody knows.

The life I had

It's over now

The fruit went bad

Inside my hand

It's all a joke

I just don't get

I'm sorry for

My part in it

The sun had set

Before my eyes

I couldn't sleep

There was no time

I tried to melt

And drain away

It was so cold

But you remained

You weren't supposed to leave us. 

You never should have died. 

I wish I could have saved you. 

I'm sorry girl, I tried. 

I never knew the depths I could find

Forever digging with you on my mind

Another way to delay a little pain

As above, so below 

Only you will ever know

In dreams I'm stuck

Chasing after you

Around the bend

Where'd you run off to? 

The morning bell

I pay the toll

Embrace restraint 

And let it roll

A shell without a core 

Always searching for more

I've uploaded all the data

But still am incomplete 

It's like I'm losing power 

And the lights are getting dim 

The engine's revving high 

But I'm not moving 

Nothing else could have it

It's never coming back

My heart is in her memory

It's all that I have left

I don't want what I have, 

I would fold my hand

Just to take yours 

Only once more. 

1/3/26

1/3/26 

The calendar is full of lies 

The days are growing wings and I've

Been swatting them like flies, 

Avoiding my goodbye.

But if it's been so long

Then why can I still hear you

Every time that I come home? 

Now I walk the path alone. 

How many days have passed

Since I laid down beside you

and I tried to take to your pain

but only could make more. 

But how could it be so long? 

I can still feel you looking over my shoulder 

I still see your shadow coming closer 

I still hear you every time I come home. 

The days are flying by 

and here I am still stuck 

on the last calendar page

I'm still here, but everything has changed. 

Immortal

She came to me in a dream

Too big to be imaginary

Stole my heart like that old ballglove

And she's never gonna give it back to me

So if you need me I'll be sleeping on the floor

Just wishing for another day more

Squeezing metal like it's bringing her back

I can't hold a lead but I can follow a path

So I'm walking like I'm patrol

Just so the grass on her path won't grow

It's no use trying to hold this in

So I'll call out her name again

She gave me everything she had

An anchor to this drifting man

She kept me warm when the world was cold

So I couldn't let her leave it alone.