Waterlogged

The arrows all point in the same direction, 

So many reasons, but the result is the same. 

My body sinks deeper with every reflection. 

A soggy matchbook unable to produce a flame. 

The dog in my mind doesn't need me to bleed. 

But the memories are sharp and cut too deep. 

She circles the bowl when it's time to feed. 

But I'm out of luck and there's holes in my keep. 

Day after day, 

one foot, then the other. 

She was my favorite, 

I'll never love another. 

Pennies in the fountain, 

With every petal I pull, 

I need to stop counting. 

The coffer's already full. 

I'd pay any cost

and sever every tie

I wouldn't see it lost, 

if she could still be mine. 

A Timeline of Grief: Perpetual

 

I was powerless in April

Until I turned the page over

Now I'm powerless in May

Out of ink from slashing days

I took the things you gave me, 

Now I reap what I sow

You saw the good inside of me,

and now, nobody knows.

The life I had

It's over now

The fruit went bad

Inside my hand

It's all a joke

I just don't get

I'm sorry for

My part in it

The sun had set

Before my eyes

I couldn't sleep

There was no time

I tried to melt

And drain away

It was so cold

But you remained

You weren't supposed to leave us. 

You never should have died. 

I wish I could have saved you. 

I'm sorry girl, I tried. 

I never knew the depths I could find

Forever digging with you on my mind

Another way to delay a little pain

As above, so below 

Only you will ever know

In dreams I'm stuck

Chasing after you

Around the bend

Where'd you run off to? 

The morning bell

I pay the toll

Embrace restraint 

And let it roll

A shell without a core 

Always searching for more

I've uploaded all the data

But still am incomplete 

It's like I'm losing power 

And the lights are getting dim 

The engine's revving high 

But I'm not moving 

Nothing else could have it

It's never coming back

My heart is in her memory

It's all that I have left

I don't want what I have, 

I would fold my hand

Just to take yours 

Only once more. 

Through the Window

Looking in from the window

What has life become? 

The glue holding me together

Has come undone

Every night under the moonlight

Always watching from the shadows.

Keeper of your every comfort,

Will I ever find my own? 

I don't want to live on your dime

But I feel like I've got more time

Is the choice really yours or mine? 

I don't think I'm ready to die.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I don't want nothing to count on me 

I don't want to let it all down 

It's hard enough to hold the line 

When you're leaning on a rain cloud

Didn't need to lay you down to rest 

You were already on the ground 

So I laid down beside you 

Until the sun came 'round

I didn't know what else to do

It seemed like it already happened

There was no light, or warmth, or hope.

The sun begat dark, cold, pain. 

Ever since I've been piling stones

and cursing winds of they ever fall. 

Praying to the birds that there's some meaning in this misery.

Some long awaited reward at the end of the pit.

Digging deeper, still.

Have I reached you yet? 

_______________777777777777777

There's a song in my heart

But it stopped when yours did

I can't lose if I don't play 

So what's the point?

I don't want your help

You just wouldn't get it

I don't want the pain

I just want to forget it. 

I don't mean that,

I'm sorry I said it.

but it hasn't been the same

and I'll always regret it.

Immortal

She came to me in a dream

Too big to be imaginary

Stole my heart like that old ballglove

And she's never gonna give it back to me

So if you need me I'll be sleeping on the floor

Just wishing for another day more

Squeezing metal like it's bringing her back

I can't hold a lead but I can follow a path

So I'm walking like I'm patrol

Just so the grass on her path won't grow

It's no use trying to hold this in

So I'll call out her name again

She gave me everything she had

An anchor to this drifting man

She kept me warm when the world was cold

So I couldn't let her leave it alone.

Happy.

I was barely older than you when we found this little pup.

Her tail wouldn't stop wagging so she must've been happy

She was always stuck to my leg like a bootknife 

Never needed a lead, I knew she'd never leave

I was barely a man when I left her behind

and the years that past weren't always kind

She got so much older, started losing her sight

So I made more time and she held on alright

But things changed so fast and it's never seemed fair

that the day that she let go, I wasn't there

I loved her so much and without trying to be sappy

Every time I think of her, she can still make me happy. 

Words the Crows Speak

Above my head, the sun is spent

Each day it sets an all time low

The moon casts only a shadow

Of the light we won't let go

Beneath my feet the ground trembles

It grows with every step I take

We may never leave this earth

If we can't escape its quake

Inside this chest is an endless cavern

Whispering comforts from the deep

Drawing you in to twisting tunnels

Until you lose sight of what you seek. 

And yet there exists a spark

it lingers deep inside the core

a light inside this fickle heart

that yearns for yours, forevermore

Seven Loves You.

You were always hiding behind every wishful thought

A flicker in the darkness of the light almost forgot 

The oxygen has vanished and I'm on my last breath,

Digging more and more each day,

Have I reached you yet?

Isolation is a heavy stone

but there's no island,

I'm not alone.

I'm just trying to be a better man

Just trying to be good. 

What makes a man? 

Is it in me?

It must be heavy;

I think I'm sinking.

I know the weight of my mistakes 

They pull me under in my dreams

I'm always running uphill

Until I wake up at the bottom.

I know the choices were all mine;

I'm the only one to blame

but that doesn't ease my mind

and it hurts just the same.

"As much as I loved it;

As great as it was;

I ripped and I ruined it

And now it is done"

I'm in an echo chamber 

and I can't find my way out

I keep hearing the same words

like they're coming from my mouth

Seven loves you,

even when you lose hope.

When you forget to hail mary;

Or run out of rope. 

Seven loves you,

when you're ever in doubt.

I ain't got nothin left to say

except the truth. 

Any given 13th

In any given moment

at any given time

in any situation

I can disappear.

If I close my eyes tight enough

If I clench my fists both tight

I can turn my body transparent

and dissolve inside my mind. 

It doesn't take all day,

it doesn't require much energy

I can wish away my fears

and take away my pain. 

It's hard to see the future

when you're looking over your shoulder

Always worried some distant mistake

Is rearing for an attack

Remember me? They say to me

Furrowed brow in reluctance

Of course of course, how could I not

My cognizance is still within

It doesn't matter the quality

It only matters if there's content

How content is my contention? 

I'm almost out of wares.