Lonely Harts Rd.

Driving to town

I saw the place

That brand new fence

Hit me in the face

Knuckles turned white

and yet I was a stone 

What happened that night

I'll doubt I'll ever know. 

There's some regret

I can't let go

What would you have said

If I answered the phone? 

I live with this

You don't get to

Maybe I'll

see you soon?

Closing my eyes

When I reach the bend

Almost there but

the nightmares never end

It makes my heart race

don't think I'll ever sit still

I hope you found peace now

I doubt I ever will. 

There's some darkness 

That won't subside

No headlights will 

Illuminate my mind.

I get to go on rambling

I never get to stay

How's it been so long

But it feels just like today?

Growth On a Really, Really, Small Scale

Where did my mind go? 

I can't seem to find it anywhere. 

Where did the time go? 

I'm not supposed to be here.

Where is there person I was supposed to be? 

There's nothing but misdirection in front of me. 

The more that I strive to be a man, 

I'm reminded how much of a boy I still am. 

I just wish that you could see

the person that I want to be. 

Where do you go to get out of the rain when there's a downpour inside of your brain? 

What do you call yourself when you forget your own name?  

I'm alone in this world, because I live inside my mind. 

Every time I leave the house, someone else closes my mouth.

Long Ways

 You and I both know

We got a long ways left to go

The road ain't paved in gold

But you've got a hand to hold

As long as you're beside me

There's no sense in hiding

I've got so much time

I'm ready to resign

And if you wanna go

I'll go get your coat

And if you wanna stay

That's all you have to say

You and I both know

We've got so far to go

The road ain't paved in gold

But you've got a hand to hold

Tumbleweed

I'm still out there searching, for what I don't know. 

Still haven't found it anywhere I go.

I'm just a tumbleweed rolling along, 

A big gust of wind comes and I'm gone. 

I pick up my head and widen my eyes, 

but still I can't see through all of the flies.

There's a knife in my pocket, it's edge has been lost

So many strings cut with no regard for the cost.

I'm just a survivor, out here on the range.

Still looking for purpose for the rest of my days. 

I'm just a marauder with no moral code. 

Searching for warmth in my humble abode. 

When my season comes and the dog days gone, 

I'll be left with my empty jar and mournful song. 

"I'm just a tumbleweed, rolling along. 

A big gust of wind comes and I'm gone."

Overdue

 the things I'd do 

to prove I'm true

my love for you

is overdue

there's nothing to

my love for you

it's painted blue

and lonely too 

the things I'd do

to prove to you

my love is true

but it's overdue

my love for you

is overdue

Soggy

 down it comes

will it ever stop?

gutters clogged

spilling over the top

used to let

things run its course

now I fret

in my discord

saturated

all around

the ground makes

that squishy sound

it will be soaked

it will be wet

but then it will stop.

no healthy upstream

 I tried to say it, yet again

Crumbled up the paper before I even wrote the words

None of it matters anymore, if it ever even did. 

I can say the same thing in a thousand languages

but I can't make it make sense. 

If I was a kinder man

If I could still a shaky hand

If there was promise left inside

If it wasn't infected with rot

I don't know why it fixates me so

There's nothing but phantoms in my reflection

When did my focus become so distorted?

How long before my eyes fully adjust? 

My insides are twisted

I'm being held up with wire

My animation is not my intent

Who's calling the shots here? 

MOVE.

 Voices in my ears

pulling me backwards

calling my name

in a familial tone

Telling me to look

under every stone

but everything dissolved

inside of my hands

they all turn to sand

and float through my fingers

I cannot contain

what drifts away

I am translucent

and yet

still in the way. 

Waves

On the first day, I was lost

Scrambling around

In the desert

Crawling on my knees

I couldn't even breath

Then came the wave

And I was carried out to sea

Trying to keep my head

Above the water

I still couldn't breath

And when I washed ashore

There was acceptance

And peace

But only for a time

Until another wave

Carries me again

This time much further

And it takes all night

Just to be washed ashore

And crawling back again

But this time tentative

And avoidant and afraid

Because it doesn't take much

Before another wave

And everytime it happens

I hold a little more water

Inside my lungs

Barely able to breath

But there's always healing

Just with a little

More scar tissue

Petty

 If we're free falling 

at least I hope

the ground is soft

if not I fear

I may not make it

I fell before

collapsed a lung

not a bad one they said

but none is good

but this is worse

I have no words

only air inside

these whistling birds

they're lonely now

all red and blue

they didn't know

they had no clue

I picked them up

and held too tight

I had to let go

I couldn't watch them die.